I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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