I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
