O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
