why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
