can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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