i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
