she woke up with a sticky ear
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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