my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
