Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
