8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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