my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
