Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
