and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
