the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
