Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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