Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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