they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
