I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
NoShamevember. You game?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
