Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize