Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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