You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
