these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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