my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
