Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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