here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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