I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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