he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
