i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
