Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
