I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
