the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
