why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
