Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
