there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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