Is it normal to miss your booty call?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
