she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
