do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
