i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
