went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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