I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
