I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
