Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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