how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
