I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
