Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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