What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A+ Viking dick
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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