she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
