So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
