No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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