I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
