Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i came on her dog
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
