There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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