you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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