Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
