you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
