she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
