my room smells like sperm. sweet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
