I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
