I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
