she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
