I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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