Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
