you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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