I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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