Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
