Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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