some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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