Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
