did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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