he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
