just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
